Day Five - Romancing the Bean in Burbank

The final weekend of entertainment is looming this week, a long road of hills to climb with the brand new team since June. I meant what I said when they first hired me; I walked in with little time to acclimate and get up to speed, but such high expectations that essentially they were asking me to jump onto a treadmill that was already going at level 10. It was a chaotic experience trying to gain trust, affect change, and respond to the needs of the business with no room to second guess myself. Has there been a significant amount of stress and adjustment on everyone's part? Absolutely. Have I climbed to the plateau since summer is almost done, with the hardest part behind me? Nope. I'm still not even sure I'll have a job in January. Have I fully explained that yet?

"Oh, I'm sure things are going to work out" they tell me, not fully understanding that my contract expires on December 31st. Contract or no contract, nothing in life is guaranteed. A lot of nostalgia has been scrubbed from my programming over the past few years, so I tend to not look too far out in the future. Yes, this is based on the Two Year Plan, but in reality, I have to look at the rest of 2022 two months ahead at a time, at least in the back of my mind when it comes to large strategies. In the short term, I'm going week-to-week. 

I think it's fair to say that right now I'm trying to keep this blog/experience going for Mondays mostly to keep my sanity intact. Did I build enough momentum to have a whole collection of people working with me at a different place every Monday? No, I'm sitting here in the super well-known Romancing the Bean here in Burbank, a bright star in the Magnolia Parks district  amongst a handful of really incredible coffee places. So far in this grand experiment, a handful of people showed interest in joining but only one has actually made an appearance, and that's totally okay. Good ideas begin small, and honestly, these Mondays have been super valuable for me. Any Monday I haven't been able to make it out of the house to a destination on my search for the greatest dirty chai has been kind of a lost one. I've actually gotten a lot of work done. 

I still like the format, too. Write about what's happening with me or with a friend professionally, meditate on what I'm learning, and then a little review of the place at the end. It's creativity with purpose and a health benefit. If I can keep this going - especially if we change our work schedule to include remote work during the off-season - I'm sure friends will make it out to hang with some purpose. As goes my history, I like working on fleshing out ideas and habits on my own, and if people eventually join me on part of the journey, I'm all for it. I just have to be consistent. 

Consistency leads to habits.

Persistency leads to goals. 

And this pastry leads to happiness.

I mean, you can just get lost in here.

The distraction lately has been rooted in the side effects of studying theatre, an acute awareness of behavior and the natural games people play. It's somehow related to the same idea that when we were much younger, we played the "Which superpower would you want?" game, and so many people wanted the ability to read minds. Now that social media is part of EVERYTHING, there's no longer a need to wish for that superpower. Whether I want to know or not, I know what a lot of people think, especially when they think they're expressing themselves somewhat anonymously. I wish I didn't have a take on reading behavior around me. Career-wise, I think it's just in me that I like to get involved to a certain extent because of everything I've been through. As a person who was bullied throughout grade school, was only interested in not confirming to what everyone else was doing in high school, and was in an abusive relationship in college, I don't want people around me to have any of the negative experiences I've had or to be left in the dark when they're expressing themselves through the arts. People who haven't been through some of these things can only be practical and logical in their approach. 

Sometimes I wish I didn't study the behavior of life in art for just over a decade in theater. I had a boss at my former company who was happily oblivious to things happening in the room, and we'd often compare notes after a large meeting so I could fill her in on what I saw happening at the table. It wasn't that she saw the behavior - the tells, the twitches, subliminal moments of discomfort - and decided to ignore it. She looked straight at the person and didn't notice any changes. It's just fascinating to me. Then again, I did go through various scary mazes during Halloween with her, and even the most egregious jump scare didn't phase her at all. Not a flinch, not even a raised eyebrow. Bloody knife? Thumbs up. Nightmare inducing zombie an inch away from your face? "Good job!" Terrifying scream when you least expect it? Applause & a thumbs up. As much as I appreciate having some insight and intuition, I wish sometimes I just didn't know what was happening around me. 

As I see people act out due to a handful of human conditions like abandonment, jealousy, pride, or anger, I'm almost triggered to remember situations where I've felt all of those things, twisted and stressed with helplessness, with no remedy or solution. I remember when I was ruled by emotion, reactive and intense, with only a 30+ year journaling practice as an effective release. Now I find myself internalizing the reaction, contemplating the context and perspective of the situation, and then more often than not, waiting out the outcome. I am trying to exercise the habit of returning to myself and the things I can control, or else the book I'm writing for artists would end up self-serving as just a tossed word salad of good intentions. 

I aspire to do so much that doesn't involve navigating the distracted motives of others. I'm focused on shared and personal goals much more so than competition. Once again, my soul is fed by conversations with artists and the people who are inspired by them much more so than any administrative or accounting work done. Yes, give me the dirty, monotonous, even ugly work so I can create these beautiful bubbles of moments in time where the honesty in art and reaction to it are preserved. 

So how do I keep myself intact? How do I protect the work and my heart in it? I've tested the void of my connection to the arts various times throughout my life, deciding for moments that I had no place in adjacency to what feels like the sacred space where artists can express themselves. It's that crazy imposter syndrome that I'm positive you're familiar with. But I see that spot. And I think I see it differently than most. I think that a lot of people aspire to be adjacent to a thing they admire. The people in the spotlight have always known they want to be there, however long that is. But why would someone want to be next to that spot? I've seen band managers, aspiring musicians, and people who say they're recording artists on their social media (but there's no evidence of it anywhere), all living vicariously via the people doing the work, hanging with the culture, as a friend and I put it. 

So it's time to remind myself, that yes, while it's important to navigate personalities and make sure that I'm contributing to my job, I also have a purpose and commitment to actively support every performer who comes to the stage. I want us to be different. I want us to make a profound difference. 

Reality dictates that there are things that can be simultaneously true and yet counterpoint to each other. All truths together can be abrasive, but if you pick just a few and start from there, there's very little you can't navigate. We are all seeking to be a combination of truthful things that define us, and be recognized for them; Some are able to illuminate minds, some fill even the most broken of hearts. I think that before I fall into distraction again, I need to remind myself of my compass points, the fundamental things that drive me: Truth in art, transparency in communication, curiosity about others, and commitment to the qualities my parents gave me. 

Sometimes I just have to write a few hundred words to unravel a tangled mess of doubt I end up with. It's a much easier task with a really good dirty chai in front of me. 

Speaking of....

Romancing the Bean - a review

Sharing the same neighborhood as Porto's, Blvd Cafecito, Black Elephant, and the Palm Coffee Bar, I'll admit we're super spoiled. Over the years, I've had various exotic blends of drinks at the Bean, and today's delicious dirty chai was pretty great (though more on the sweet side and not as spicy as the real deal can be). Aside from being a rare place where you can enjoy a hot cup of coffee in a ceramic mug, the pastries and food here are really pretty amazing. When you think that Starbucks, for all of its convenience, pulls most its food from a plastic bag or box, all of the food at Romancing the Bean is fresh and delicious. During the weekend I'm positive it's packed, but for a Monday afternoon answering some work emails and writing this, the atmosphere was perfect. The only thing that limited my stay was the available parking; Park in front, you've got an hour, but if you can find parking on a side street, you have two whole hours to eat, drink, and shop in the area. I didn't see any outlets for laptop users, but chances are with the limited time you can stay if you drove there, you probably won't have to plug in. 

One more weekend, one more major concert. I know a slight post-series depression will begin to set in that weekend, so it will be interesting to see how I feel a week from now. Where will I grab coffee and a snack? How much work will I need to do? 

Let me begin with tomorrow, and a way to navigate the path forward. Next Monday will come soon enough. 

Day Four - Back at Starbucks, post-COVID

I really thought I was going to get through this whole thing without getting COVID. My two year plan for surviving this pandemic was to stay isolated and not be afflicted, but it took a show with an international audience to hit me with the virus, and it really took me out for over a week before I started testing negative. Even now, a full month after the concert, my lungs aren't at 100%, but there's some relief that I got it and survived. The invisible stalker is at otherwise focused for a little bit. For sure, if I wasn't boosted, I would have written this from a hospital room. 

I don't want to jump into what exactly that experience was like, because there's not one uniform way that everyone goes through it. The symptoms, the severity, the perspective...it's different for everyone, which is a problem, of course, because the political approach to the existence of the disease and vaccinations has wielded generalization as a hammer and nail solution, and it's just not. I lost a lot of friends in 2020, and not because the virus got them. Misinformation did, and their Facebook pages became right wing, racist dumpster fires. Did I give some of them the benefit of the doubt and kept them as friends? Absolutely. I think some were surprised at how a simple sharing of a meme inspired extreme views that some of their friends expressed in the comment section. Clearly, some of them didn't know that "All Lives Matter" was not a statement about the sanctity and value of all life. 

But this isn't a blog about politics (and the previous paragraph isn't really about politics, either, it's about equality and social order). Today's thought, as I bounce between work on my day off, this blog, and coffee, is about perspective. It's something I'm chasing after and have been able to provide for artists. This is complicated, so bear with me. 

I've been thinking about numbers lately, trying to justify my conversations with artists and reminding myself that my experience is a valid base of knowledge to call from. What I know for sure is that I don't know many things. That much feels very familiar, a callback from the days when I felt like what I learned about acting and theater in college was both practical and useful. I didn't realize then that there are many schools of acting, and some are filled with gimmicks and tricks while others are founded on some sense of truth. After a significant amount of time with the offspring of Meisner training - "living truthfully under imagined circumstances" - I realize how much I don't buy the tricks or gimmicks in any form of performance art. They feel more than false; They feel dishonest, and yet, I remember vividly working on those tactics when working with actors on scenes and monologues as if I believed the outcome would somehow fit and feel good, maybe convincing the viewer that they're watching something nuanced and complex. I'm cringing right now thinking about working with actors on those exercises, and that feeling is what makes me second guess myself now, hopeful that I won't someday look at all of this stuff as complete nonsense. I'm not accounting for actual experience or any wisdom, and a part of me still feels like I'm just a kid figuring things out. 

The numbers in question are over 600 shows at my old stage, most of them with my emcee copy, run of show, and talent booking in place. Add to that performances in two restaurants, hand picked street performers, and then a whole decade of live theater before that, and you have well over 1,000 performances I've been attached to. I hate that I have to remind myself that along the way I've developed some actual, relevant knowledge to share, some perspective that's useful for others. I've sacrificed things that other people count on for survival so I could be out there, standing in front of a performer, studying an audience, or watching every performance of the same play for years. Sometimes I was the only audience. 

Through relentless trial and error - and yes, I've failed on the level that I was inconsolable afterwards - I think I've earned the right to speak on it. I still second guess myself and don't give myself credit for things I say that help others. 

This is definitely something I have to work on, but at the same time I don't want to lose it altogether because I feel like it focuses attention back on myself. I want the attention on the person I'm talking to, the artist I'm trying to help. This is harder to justify when I just came off a stage where I emceed an event in front of 2000 people. 

I'm getting hungry. Time for a little break from this Starbucks. Can I finish this up at home? I don't think this place needs a review in this entry, since this is where I last wrote from. Let's see what happens after I pack up and grab dinner on the way home. 

This is what I saw when pulling up in front of one of my favorite restaurants at 5:01pm

Of course, when I got home I changed into house cozies and immediately turned off my brain. But I came to work the next day and began a week that is slowly punishing me for taking time off. How am I ever going to catch up? Welcome back to that familiar place at this point in a summer series where you kind of just put your head down and grind until you're past the finish  line and it takes you a moment to realize that the race is done. Sometimes I feel like a boxer still throwing punches at the air after the final bell rings, but in so many ways, that's when the real work begins. If only I knew for sure I'd get to do it. 

I learned from my last job that there are no guarantees in life. I felt like my identity was inseparable from the stage and performance spaces there. Even though I could see the writing on the wall, it still stung when I was let go on my birthday in 2020, and I learned that nothing in life is guaranteed. Yes, I am an independent who has learned how to walk away from every situation, but I still look for and crave a rare showing of investment in me. I think that everyone craves that, but my past unfortunately has me believing that without a solid investment, I can only assume that my presence anywhere is temporary. I am interim at my current place, and this family atmosphere can just as easily send me looking from the outside in. And then I'd land somewhere else. 

I'm grateful for what I have, and these Mondays keep me focused on that two year plan, that promise to my dad to keep reassessing with an open mind and open heart. That's where things come back to perspective, and somehow that detachment once again has me firmly placed in the middle between forces of potential and creativity. I stand, somewhat neutral, hoping to make sure that everyone gets what they need (instead of, sometimes, what they want). It feels like an insatiable mission, but maybe, someday, if enough people tell me that the race is done I'll be able to look back and feel like I've done enough. 

Starbucks - a follow-up

I so often gravitate towards the people who work behind the counter much more so than any of the drinks they make, because the process is so focused on consistency and mass production. Give me a mom and pop shop anytime, but if you see me frequent a Starbucks, it's because of any combination of three things - the people, the stars, the outlets. All that being said, I had three drinks during this sesh: Dirty chai, flat white, and their new pineapple refresher (to go). It also feels like this particular Burbank spot changes every time I come in; Maybe it's just where I sit, but I can distinctly remember four very different experiences. How do the employees feel about there being another Starbucks five minutes away? I wonder about that all the time. 

Day Three - Starbucks in Burbank at Olive & Verdugo

The original plan for today was the Starbucks in Burbank's Empire Center, because for all of my complaints about their coffee tasting burnt (even though I usually order a dirty chai), Starbucks has a wonderful standard for consistent wifi, good parking, and complete indifference to people camping out all day on their laptop, grazing and ordering drinks and food through the app. Does it have unique, high quality beans and one-of-a-kind drinks exclusive to the location? No. But if the Starbucks you're going to is closed or under construction like the one at the Empire center, you can either just go to the Starbucks across the street or drive five minutes to the next one. They're everywhere. I think I remember calculating that when I worked in Woodland Hills, there were something like seven Starbucks within a 5 minute drive. 

And while I'm reminiscing, it's crazy to think that I spent eight years at that job in Woodland Hills, after I specifically instructed the temp agency to find me something...anything else. At this ripe old age, my concentration on the value of my time has come more and more to the forefront, because in my 30s I suffered at that job. I worked with some wonderful people, but the job itself was tolerated partially by the company I kept but mostly because it afforded my investment in my theater company. I feel like, true to my libra sensitivity to balance, the harder the job pulled me down, the harder my theater world worked to lift me up. Was it perfect? No. But was it everything I needed? Absolutely. 

It was only when I discovered at Universal that I was putting in extra time and effort that I did the math; Once I became salaried at Universal I split up my annual salary down to the 40 hours a week and arrived at my hourly wage. As I went beyond the 40, my value per hour started to decrease, and then came the bigger question of how I used those hours versus what I would have done had I not been at my stages and with the performers. Did the executive staff take offense to the extra hours? They lightly pushed back but secretly wanted that extra coverage. Being salaried meant that there was a lot of grey area. If it was hourly, though, there was often a white hot focus on why hourly labor was standing for five minutes after they had spent the previous three hours doing heavy lifting and were currently monitoring a specific element of the show we were presenting. This doesn't mean that my current situation is perfect; No company is perfect. There's just a healthier approach to addressing and adjusting to problems and issues. 

Today's session is another solo venture, but I'm proud of my consistency. I guess that's the theme for the day. Where is Gail? Where's Teny? I'm fascinated by what all of these friends are doing in their own bubble and what they're getting started on a Monday afternoon, just like the people around me here at this Starbucks a few blocks away from where I went to grade school. This location is full of people on video calls, students working together, people just chilling by themselves with their iced drinks reading on their phones. It's 90 degrees outside and the air conditioning in here is perfect.  

I have seen this particular block change drastically over the decades. Right across the street, I worked for one summer at the Wherehouse, right up to the moment where a coworker told me how excited they were that after three years, they were hoping to be promoted so they could earn more money. Once I realized that after that pending promotion, they would only be making an extra quarter an hour than me, I immediately quit. 

The next block over, I'm looking at a Grocery Outlet that used to be a Miller's Outpost. Remember them? No? I'm old? The Safari Inn and the McDonald's have been there forever. Okay, time to do some remote work. I've been here an hour and have only answered a couple of emails. 

Dirty chai is my jam here. 

I miss the Oprah chai because I loved being able to order a Dirty Oprah. 

After a flurry of emails and text messages - it's going to be a busy "day off" of work where on a week like this it's more of a casual Monday working off prop - I'm anxiously awaiting a moment of satisfaction when I can close this laptop and mentally clock out. As a matter of fact, my eyes just caught a glimpse of the Argentine restaurant where I can grab some home cooking as a prize for getting some things done on what is supposed to be my day off. In fact, getting work done today is also making up for the fact that Tuesdays are always kneecapped by multiple meetings and little time to get any actual work done. Am I the only one who deals with this? I'm going to assume that this is a big fat no. 

I just put a fat chunk of work to bed for today and am thinking about my next steps. An overwhelming concert event for this weekend has me hungry for distraction and stress relief today; Our partners know that today is my day off, but it doesn't prevent them from calling/texting/instant messaging/emailing while at the same time trying to get my nicer coworkers to carry some of their workload. Definitely, in situations like this, there is little concern for the toll it has already taken on everyone. There's a ratio of about 30/70 as far as things that have been communicated and understood versus communicated and ignored. I see people try to compromise and be accommodating while they give up valuable time that could be spent doing other more important things. 

I will say that a decade or two ago, I would have had a completely different perspective on all of this, but at the end of every single day, I say good night to photos of my parents and always think about the value of my time with them, and how it's impossible to have another moment until I, too, have passed on. But I have today. I have right now. And thanks to my parents, a handful of friends I've lost, and decisions I've made to discontinue investing in some of the wrong things I used to waste time on, I have enough perspective to understand the value of moments with people like my best friend, who has bravely put some distance between her and cancer but is still in the race running from it. I look at my coworkers and the time they spend with their families, and I have trouble weighing people taking advantage of them to achieve their own means. As I have always told my performers, ask yourself if the people you are dealing with will be there tomorrow (or in the case for our summer series, on Mondays). 

With all of that in mind, Mondays are proving to be the most important day of the week. Garfield was way off on this one. In fact, it's time to close this laptop and get out in that sun, maybe see a movie. Maybe next week I'll have company? 

Starbucks - a review

Consistency is a great thing to rely on, and that abundance of consistency and coverage makes this place exist on a different plane than other coffee places. It's like comfort food without all of the home cooking. Anything edible comes out of a bag or a box and there's no story behind the drinks. Starbucks is a living meme. But sometimes you don't want to think, and instead you just order mindlessly while earning points like a game. They reward you for loyalty to the green goddess of fertility and caffeine, and there doesn't seem to be anything sinister about it. These places are made for all kinds of people; People who don't want to interact with others can order ahead and pick up on the way through, and people who want to sit and chat a bit can more often than not find a spot. You can also take pride in ridiculously long names for drinks, and for the teenage influencers, you can walk away with a dangerously sweet and unnaturally colored icy invention. There's something pacifying here for everyone, just not special. But I will say this: the people who work at Starbucks are almost always fantastic personalities who invest in you if you frequent one of them. You'll end up recognizing their writing on the cup if they don't print the stickers out, and in turn they'll get your name right every time. I love walking in and they already know my order. For all of that, it's efficient and smart, and it has heart. I'll always gravitate to the local curated and privately owned coffee spot that is filled with pride and the drinks made with love. 

Honestly, I'm beginning to love Mondays. What would I be doing otherwise? Sitting on my couch or sleeping? Nope - the relentless work won't let me, but at least I get to write and see friends every now and then. 

See you again in exactly one week. 

Day Two - Tea Pop in North Hollywood

I came to the heart of NoHo despite it being dirty and somewhat burnt out in spots, but there are some incredibly special places, like Lawless Brewery, where I do my weekly team trivia with my old coworkers from Universal and this magical little place. Tea Pop survived the pandemic, and despite all of the hurdles and problems this city has had to endure, this spot with amazing tea and ambience still has just as much charm as it had when I used to come here all the time many years ago. I'll try to stay focused despite me noticing a homeless person in a black g-string looking at my car, but such is NoHo. I was evicted from my apartment just north of Tujunga Village about five years ago so they could build and make money from an expensive condominium complex, and now that street is dusty and its main feature is now a tent city less than a block away from where I used to live. 

What can I say? I work in downtown LA. The whole city is recovering. 

Today I am flying solo, as Gail is out of town, but I'm thinking that anything big that has ever been done requires consistency at first. Sometimes you have an idea and you're the only one who can see it in focus, sometimes you cross paths with people who share that and weave in and out. Either way, as I said to a good friend of mine who was dealing with huge things in his life, the months and years are short but the days are very long. If you keep yourself distracted, huge chunks of time will slip past you, and you'll only see that in hindsight. What you really have, especially as you're reading this, are hours and minutes to spend carefully, to make the most of. When you're dealing with huge goals and life situations, remember that it's how you consistently spend the minutes and hours of a daily that will affect change and make things happen. It's in the moment-to-moment adjustment and coping that you'll evolve as a human being, and you may find enough energy and capability to help those around you. That's especially true if you can find a good spot on Mondays to drink tea or coffee and have, what I literally have next to me, a perfect croissant. 

Speaking of getting things done, let me knock out a few work emails. I'm actually itching to get to my book today. I've been putting off the chapter I've paused on, but my shower thoughts this morning have sparked a few ideas. 

Tea Pop's Cinna-Chai, the pop chai black tea with almond milk, honey, and cinnamon. Perfection, I think. 

Emails, Texts, and Whatsapp chats done, and I'm shifting my focus to my next drink and another bite to eat as I go into the second half of my Monday sesh here. I just listened to Carm's album three times and I swear it kept me calm and zen-like in my responses. Or maybe I'm getting something from the actual monk sitting at the table next to me. Can monks wear crocs? Yes. Yes, they can. And do. It's also been a while since I've seen lady g-string after she crossed the street on whatever adventure she was on. For all I know, her long look at my convertible might have triggered a memory, good or bad. 

I've also noticed that a gentleman has been sitting at a window seat, no phone or book in hand, no computer. He rode his bike here and has just been starting at the window silently for...an hour? Two hours? It reminds me of times I'd go to a museum and sit in front of one painting for an hour and write, or just stare and sink deeper into it. What is he meditating on? Is he sinking deeper into the world he sees, or sinking deeper into himself? These are questions I always have about random people I notice, especially when I don't have the welcome distraction of working or drinking with a friend directly across from me. 

I do feel like - if I'm able to keep this up - I'm going to be able to talk about people's projects, or even their hopes and goals as we all navigate the mess that this pandemic left us in. Did some of the routine deserve to be blown up? Absolutely. A lot of people took a lot of things for granted. But should gas be hovering around $7 a gallon (yes, that's what we've seen here in LA)? No, absolutely not. I gave Jack Conte a shout out at the stage on Saturday for creating Patreon, something that a LOT of my friends relied on when they weren't able to perform. You may not know this, but the despair and confusion was palatable in the creative community, and if you look at their social media, so many haven't recovered. This is why now's a good time to return to my book. 

I am writing a book about artist self-development in much the same spirit of all the times I declined offers to manage artists. I don't intend on taking a percentage of anyone's profits that I advise or coach, nor would I ever tell someone exactly how to do things, because every artist has to find their own way. So I decided to write a book in a very specific voice that doesn't speak to any of my experience or anyone I know. When you think about the number of shows that I've done - somewhere between 500-600 concerts/performances, but if you count theater, it's closer to over 1000 - that translates to thousands upon thousands of different paths to a creative life that I've been in the atmosphere of. One of the great mistakes I've witnessed in a class atmosphere has been setting people as examples, models to aspire to. I feel like that's what award shows do, too, to an extent. It's all performative. So I want a one on one conversation with the artist, and that's what the book intends to be. 

I'd tell you more, but that process would be diluted. [Insert book here], I guess.

So I'm on the chapter about social media and mental health. I'll dive in and see where this first stream of consciousness draft takes me. I just finished listening to the soundtrack for the Van Gogh Experience, so I'll need another collection of music to keep me focused. I so love my Airpods Pro and the noise cancellation feature. 

Also, it's important to note that I have round two of food and drink here. A hot honey lavendar tea latte with oatmilk, cocoa overnight oats, a delicious vegan muffin, and a cookie. Overkill? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I just put Wye Oak on shuffle. 

Now, let's see how much of the book thoughts and feelings are harvestable for me. Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back. 

I like to call this Algebrew

A few days ago, I posted about a strange anniversary, and I don't know why I was notified of it. I recently hit 20,000 days alive, and somehow it felt more significant than celebrating a birthday (something I have only really done less than a handful of times in my life). A friend asked me what I've learned, and here's what I said, which I then posted on my social media: 

Starting over doesn’t mean that you’re abandoning the past. If you practice it long enough, you get to rediscover the courage to try, maybe fail at first, but if you keep trying you can eventually walk away with something.

Just don’t be afraid to try.

At 17 I wanted to be a musician.
At 23 I studied theatre.
At 28 I started building a theatre company while holding down a day job.
At 39 I started over and began booking bands at Universal CityWalk.
At 54 I started over again and found a new home with a legendary stage.

Everything you’ve ever done counts, and your experience will catch you every time you fall. Just keep believing and keep trying.

So here's to beginning again and starting new good habits, to sharing goals and dreams with friends and making impossible things reality. I've had such a satisfying life in the arts and am so excited about what's coming. Considering that my Mondays will be filled with coffee or tea and good food, the company of friends and the potential for great things to come of all this, I can say that these are the best days of my life. It's altogether too easy to say that anything that came before couldn't be fully appreciated because I hadn't lived long enough to fully understand everything I went through. But now I have perspective, I have hope, and I still have that fire to work hard on building new things. I know I've made the most of a lot of those 20,000 days. 

Tea Pop - a review

I have fond memories of coming here with my best friend many years ago, often choosing to hang out in the comfy backyard area or coming inside to look at the art on the walls. I'm happy to say that the place has the same vibe and the drinks have been consistently amazing. Their standards like the Noddy Toddy and Honey Lavendar tea are exactly how I remember them, and their menu has slightly expanded to include a few new drinks and some food. Their pastries are delicious and fresh (*cough* unlike the place with the *cough* mermaid), and merch is still top notch. I still have their original mug at home and use it all the time. There are multiple outlets and they have fast wifi, but the atmosphere today was almost meditative, and everyone here feels respectful and helpful with each other. There are laptops, books, journals at every table, and people are constantly popping in to pick up drinks to go. The staff is wonderful, too. If you're looking for a place to work remotely, this is about as good as one could hope for. Just try to shield your eyes as you drive through North Hollywood to get here. 

Who is going to be here next week? And where will we work from? Burbank has an embarrassment of riches when it comes to coffee places, so we'll likely end up at one of them. Somehow I can't wrap my mind around next week because Prime Day is right around the corner, and I have an Amazon locker next to my office. 

Until next Monday...make the days count. 

Day One - The Coffee Commissary in Burbank

Day 1 
The Coffee Commissary in Burbank, across from the old NBC Studios

Here we are, old friends reunited in a post-pandemic remote working opportunity. We decided to meet up and see who else wants to join week-to-week. Let's see what this thing wants to become.

We had to sit outside because yes, it was loud inside, but it’s only 94 degrees outside, so no problem, right? Got a dirty chai, they poured it right away, and everything here seems streamlined. I don’t know how Gail is going to attend any zoom meetings with this soundtrack outside. The real question ahead of us: Is Teny going to make it? 

Who are we? 

Gail Moscoso is basically a mix between the Art of War and the world of PR. I sat next to her for nine years and while she has traditionally been extremely patient with her career, she has never let an opportunity slip by her. She has also never done so at the expense of anyone else. She’s currently the director of PR at Peacock, but now sitting across from her while she’s on a zoom call, it feels like we’re still managers in our adjacent cubicles, hustling and grinding to make the magic work, even if nobody outside of our bubble appreciates or values what we do. Neither of us were destined to stay at our old jobs. 

Teny Sarian worked for me briefly at Universal, and got that position despite submitting very late in the process. There’s a little hope for you all in Teny’s story; if you’re the right person for any opportunity, yes, you can absolutely tear through the competition like a bowling ball, so do not hesitate to go for it. She’s quiet but opinionated, shy but strong-willed, and absolutely brilliant at lateral thinking, knowing across a whole spectrum how different things affect each other. She’s also a dedicated fan of Kobe Bryant, so you can add that to the reasons why I adore and admire her. 

As for me, I lived in the world of live theater at one of LA’s most prestigious acting schools and managed the live entertainment on Universal CityWalk for 12 years, but really, who I am was dictated many years ago, in grade school. Yes, I'm the product of bullying for nearly my entire childhood until I got to high school. I like to believe that affected my DNA fundamentally so that when I started producing entertainment, I really gravitated towards artists - essentially, people who were just made different. Through over 600 shows (I was thinking about the number earlier today), I discovered my vocation to help artists not give up on their talent, and now I'm the Artistic and Creative Director for Grand Performances in downtown LA.

So of course, as Gail and I talked about working remotely together, we of course have amazing ambition when our minds come together and here we are, iced coffee and two laptops, Gail's on a zoom call and I'm about to take a peek at what's going on in my inbox. This is essentially my sixth day, so no pressure to respond, but I feel like we're going to do more than just answer emails in the future. I have a book to write and artists to meet with, too.

For the sake of this thing, I think I’ll throw out a question for Gail when she’s done with her zoom call. She literally just apologized to her meeting attendants for the fire engine that just went by us. 

Our first action item: A mission statement for Two Year Plan.

How did we come up with Two Year Plan? Well, our first name for about ten minutes was Pando, named after the 80k year old group of trees in Utah. One quick glance at Urban Dictionary and that name was donezo. While Gail and I worked at Universal and attended a bunch of different events together, we always dreamed of something bigger than whatever it was we were doing, so we often yelled out to each other (especially when one of us was about to do something big) “Two Year Plan,” meaning that we’d be out of there and onto bigger and brighter opportunities soon. Did we get out of there in two years? Nope. But we did move on to bigger things. 

The Two Year Plan thing has a history before Gail, though. I just told Gail about a debate I kept having with my dad about all of the time I spent basically volunteering my time to build the theater company and keep it going. Mind you, I was spending 3-4 nights a week and every weekend at the theater, coming home to write and build props and basically supporting every production for a hard core investment of 10 years in my 30s. My dad wanted me to make money, and until I did so, he said it was a hobby. So instead of getting angry with him again, I finally told him this: “I’ll make you a deal. I have a two year plan. I’m going to do this for two years. I’m going to give it everything I have and really focus on it. At the end of two years, I’ll reassess and then do two more years. I’ll keep doing this for two years at a time, and as soon as it doesn’t make sense any more, I’ll stop.” He was actually fine with that. I pulled that plan out of my butt, but here we are. It worked.

When I told Gail that story just now, she related a story about a couple she knows who, every seven years, take a big trip together and they look and their lives, reassess, and ask each other if everything’s still working. They plan on doing this every seven years. I like this plan. Two years ago the pandemic hit and we had to reassess. Two years before that, Gail left her cubicle next to me for the place where she is now. Two years before that I lost my dad and a handful of friends to different ailments/accidents and had everything reprioritized. This two year plan seems to follow us, regardless of what we do. 

I definitely need to plug my laptop in. I keep looking for an outlet even though I've scanned this patio multiple times. We've been here for 90 minutes, so it might be time for us to grab a bite and maybe look at the menu. The real hero here is the shade we're under.

Also, the food! I mean, look at this: 

California Toast and their Truffle Tater Tots. 

Also, it's important to note that Teny isn't going to make it today.

The three of us sat one cubicle away from each other for such a long time, we feel like siblings at this point. In fact, when Gail and I sat down today, it felt like no time had passed since we last saw each other 3-4 years ago. That's how you know you're destined to have some people in your life for a long time. I'm listening to her on a call right now and I'm immediately focused on what I'm doing. We were all overwhelmed once upon a time, we've been in the trenches together, and then exhausted at the end of an event, so this all feels familiar, minus the avocado toast and scorching heat. 

*bing* the current weather in BURBANK is 99 degrees, but due to the humidity and Santa Ana winds, it actually feels like 106 degrees. *bong*

So what do we hope to create from this? First and foremost, getting out of the house to work on stuff is super healthy, so you're not in the same space you do work in. I've been learning a lot about cultural code switching after conversations with other children of immigrants, but there's a bit of switching between work me and all of my other ambitious thoughts and ideas. There's a whole other person who comes out when I meet up with my weekly trivia team; We are winning our second consecutive season tomorrow night. Goals, right? 

Our two year plan for this experiment includes finding a place where we can work without fire engines and helicopters, but with great coffee and power outlets. Will Teny ever make it? Of course she will. Will other people join us? Possibly. We might even pull other randos to our table in the future, to learn about them and see if we can all work together somehow. I would love for us to be a collective problem blender, to look at obstacles and chop them apart, demystify them, and then help someone each week get past them. That person could be me, it could be a new friend. The person might not even sit at our table and be someone affected by world events, but in any case there will always be a seat at our table for them. 

Even though both my laptop and my skin are warm, and nobody from the air conditioned space inside the Commissary is moving, I do feel so much more productive than I would had I tried to do this at home. I think Gail feels the same way? I mean, she has had to apologize for fire engines and helicopters, but then again, we went with somewhere local and it happens to be at a major crossroads of Alameda and Olive here in Burbank. 

I can foresee a time when we'll meet up to get work done, work on side projects, and also collaborate on something together, pooling together our connections and resourcefulness. We've experienced so many projects from ideas to reality, that everything we do together, whether it becomes a big thing or it remains just an idea, becomes foundational experience. You can't buy, fake, or lie about that. Just like this heat. On the plus side, the heat is keeping our tots warm.

I am only a fan of "fake it till you make it" if you choose to stop faking it at some point. It's a transitional statement, but too many people never get past the faking it part. 

What's hot? These tots, I thought. 

What I would like to not do this time is to say that this is just a start. I don't even want a soft apologetic tone for beginning a new thing, because in reality this is not a new thing. Does a tree apologize for sprouting a new branch or does water try to explain why it spills when offered the opportunity? Do I have to apologize for practically frisbeeing my laptop onto the table that just opened up inside? NO! We're figuring this out together, and it's a never ending process (if you do it right). This is merely the latest thing.

Gail and I are constantly juggling, maybe even against the conventional "work/life balance". We have all been told to achieve that balance, but the reality is that so often, in corporate culture, the target is mediocrity, a passing grade. It's the idea that "good enough is good enough", which is a wet blanket version of "Better is the enemy of good." We were actually told in management training at Universal that overachieving was not the desired outcome. Mediocrity is manageable, controllable. Overachieving needs constant pruning if you're trying to keep everyone measured and branded with company goals. This is also why the corporate culture dictates that nobody shares salaries. That practice does not help the employee, it helps the employer. That is a huge ship to steer, and there's actually nothing wrong with the culture needed to run it. It just isn't for everybody. 

I'll continue to focus this blog on what we learn together while we're in search of that magical combination of great coffee, wifi, power outlets, and good people to meet up with. And it'll change, and evolve, and honestly, you just never know where you'll end up, but you'll stay wherever you if you don't change first. That's the real lesson for today. It's been a heavy meeting day for Gail and Teny's out there, somewhere north of Glendale, navigating her work day and no doubt thinking about her engagement and the wedding to come. Who really knows who else is going to join us? Whatever happens, we're down. 

The Coffee Commissary - a review

I remember coming here many years ago and the place wasn't nearly as full as it is now. Every table is occupied with laptops, books, and animated conversations. The two iced dirty chais I had were poured but not made on the spot, but they were sweet and maybe not as spicy as other chai teas I've had. No real complaints here. The California toast was okay, but the truffle tots was a huge portion and delicious, perfect for sharing (especially for two people who are in a meeting and/or writing a blog about the experience). There's no power outlets outside but some inside, and to get a spot in here you really have to time it right and jump on a space, maybe even sharing it with others. Do not be shy. How's the staff? On a scale from hostile to affectionate, they are on the friendly side of aloof, because no doubt they are busy with people who come here and camp out to work on stuff and, I imagine, at some point stop drinking the drinks and eating the food, drinking only water and hanging out. From that perspective, you might understand their lack of investment in the average customer. Still, the drinks and food come out quickly and the place is centrally located in the entertainment adjacent neighborhoods of the San Fernando Valley. For us and for the business, maybe this isn't the best place to work remotely; You want to see this place thrive and continue to prosper. At best, it's a loud and energetic place to hang out briefly if you can find parking or pick up something on the way. If the weather is nice, though, the seating outside is perfect to pause for a little while. 

Our next meetup is two weeks away because next Monday is the 4th of July ('Merica!), but if either of us has an epiphany before then, you know I'll capture it here. Maybe Gail or Teny have something to say? 

I think it's appropriate to leave this on a cliff hanger. 

Cheers, everyone! 

I have an idea....

"I have an idea..." is a phrase I may be accused of overusing, but over a creative career that stretches back almost four decades into my teen years, all of the times I started that sentence and arrived at nothing of consequence are almost forgotten. "I have an idea" became a band, a series of plays, a theater company, a book, a showcase, a dance show, a concert series, a whole movement. It's infectious, and listening to it is just as powerful as saying it. That's why it's so important to speak the idea into existence. It might not lead to something right away, but it definitely always lights the way to something. 

I'm also at a point in my life where I'm not afraid to be bad at something at the start. Maybe it begins simply and then builds focus, energy, and purpose over time. I'm extremely lucky to have enablers and sounding boards around me, and now, so many years later, it's my job to go from concept to reality. 

So this idea began with the knowledge that I do have to address some important work related things on Mondays, when we're technically out of the office. I also have a book to write and artists to meet with, so I wanted to give that some organization. Saying it in a text with my friend Gail inspired an idea to rekindle our old cubicle neighborhood and work on different things next to each other again. And then, of course, we riffed on the idea and thought about inviting other people to join us, and there's interest in that. 

It is an interesting time to be alive, where nostalgia is scarce and we find ourselves gravitating towards healthy relationships and conversations. After so many years, we can clearly see the importance of meeting people halfway while we protect the value of our own investment of time. When that middle ground involves coffee and nearby outlets, there's no limit to where we can go from here. The currency here is "potential," and those of us in the conversation have been tested, challenged, and rewarded with opportunity. 

Let's dare to try, okay? 

Stewart

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